Some might classify our dating relationship as a “courtship,” not in any strict sense of the word, but in terms of our intentionality. Growing up, my parents communicated two specific guidelines for dating. My dad made it clear that any guy who wanted to date me would have to ask his permission first. It might seem a little old-fashioned, but I actually didn’t mind this specific rule. I understood that it offered a level of protection, giving me a sense of security. I suppose there could have been a situation where my dad didn’t like a guy I wanted to date. However, it actually turned out to be a way for me to sift out any non-serious “suitors.”
Though my parents never set a specific minimum age for dating, my mom encouraged my siblings and me to postpone dating until we were in a position to get married, ideally within a year of starting a dating relationship. Not that she would have required us to get married within that first year. Instead, her idea was that post-high school, or even post-college, would be a more practical time to enter a relationship that could evolve to the next level unhindered by age or school responsibilities.
In addition to these basic guidelines, John and I had independently developed our own views on dating and relationships. In general, we both tried to avoid spending exclusive, undefined time with the opposite sex. Instead, we limited our social interactions to group-based activities. In addition, we established similar physical boundaries for ourselves before dating, which made it less ambiguous from the start.
Our courtship included plenty of time getting to know each other’s families, as well as more traditional dates and recreational activities. We also had the opportunity to serve alongside one another through our college ministry, allowing us to observe each other’s faith in action. Finally, we regularly attended church together during our courtship, which I believe set a precedent and foundation for our marriage.
We recognize that everyone approaches dating differently and that everyone has a unique story. We believe Christians share many common values that can foster meaningful and productive conversations on this topic.